Gardening is like Life and Business

So for the last few days I have been feeling uber

punky and more drained than a kitchen sink, but being the girl who likes to be outdoors I created little nooks to huddle down in in the garden where I could just BE, read books, sip water, think and dream.  (Now if you know me I am more a DOer than a sit stiller so it was a delicious dichotomy).

One of the nooks that I created was in a corner of the garden where all the seeds were starting to come up.  When the seeds were planted I didn’t mark the rows with tags, sticks or labels – I had more an attitude of “you will grow where you need to grow”, but thankfully they are mainly all coming up in rows.  (Which the Virgo aspect of me appreciates).

So there I was curled up in the dappled sun with gorgeous gentle music playing in the background, books and journals surrounding me and I looked around at this amazing oasis that the kids and I created, how with the sun and the heat everything is starting to take off and grow and flourish – as are the "weeds".  I watched my point of focus move to the weeds that were, as I felt, impacting the orderly direction of all the delicious rows.

Have to say, feeling as drained as I was the idea of hopping up, pulling out the weeds, creating calm out of perceived chaos didn’t resonate highly on a physical level, but it most certainly did on an energetic level.  I watched as my point of focus on weeds took me out of my appreciation for the gorgeous garden space and all that was growing and flourishing.  I was no longer focused on the carrots that were coming up, the peas, the spinach, and the kale – just the fucking weeds. 

It took me a while to bring my energy back to the lovely veggies that were growing, the berry bushes, how the kiwis were wending all over the workshop I built - all the things that I had planted with intention.

This is where I realised that life and business are very much like gardening.    Think about it, when we create a garden we sow seeds in a particular space with intention that they will grow. 

In our lives we do a similar thing – albeit our growing season is longer - whether it is in our personal lives, our business, our love life – you name it.  But where is our point of focus?  Is it in the here and the now and the appreciation for what is growing or is it on something else?  For example you have a newer love relationship that starts to flourish and grow and of course in the beginning it is delicious fun – however 4 months or so have passed and your focus turns to the “weeds” of – they didn’t call last night, or at the beginning they used to meet you after work for a quick 5 minute hug and kiss – but they are too busy now.  They want to hang out with their friends instead of you – WTF?

Let’s look at business; you trained, became certified or got a degree, had a great idea and you started a business.  The first few months you were on a high of – HELL YES, I will be the best lawyer/coach/personal trainer/graphics designer ever!!! 

After a few months of long hours, not as many clients as you thought - your tired, your mojo may have vanished to the curb, perhaps you posted on social media and received some negative commentary (along with a truck full of positive comments) but where do you focus?  You focus on the weeds.  Thus, you focus on the negative comments (there were only 3) and totally dismiss the positive comments of 40 other people.  You may possibly be thinking packing this idea in is a good way to go.

So as I sat in my little garden nook, all curled up – I had to make a conscious choice to NOT focus on the weeds, instead to celebrate what is about to come up.  Don’t get me wrong – those suckers are coming out, just not right now.  They will come out when it works for me and to ensure that my delicious plants have room to grow and thrive as do YOU, your life, your business, your family or whatever arena you have planted your seeds of Intention.

Think of it this way:- Weeds are just misplaced flowers.

Give your attention, intention and energy to the seeds you have sown or are about to sow and as the weeds come up realise they are part of the process of what you are creating.  Smile, bless them and then go get a big arse Hoe so you can move those beasties out of your path.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a blade of grass?

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers “Grow, grow” – The Talmud

You stick up, stand up, all bright, green and shiny, a blade unto yourself.  There is no other blade like you!   Trust me, if you are somewhere where grass grows go have a look at a lawn you will see each blade as separate.  They aren’t identical, some curve one way, some the other, and some are short and others long and leggy.

However, if you were to go a bit further and stick a shovel in and gently pull up a chunk of sod, all the roots are intertwined, there is a complex support system in place.  All the blades may grow separate, but they are all connected together, nourishing each other, and feeding each other, sharing treasured resources – it’s very cool.

So let’s look at the opening phrase - believe it or not but there is always a “someone” who bends over you and encourages you and whispers into your ear – grow, grow. 

Sometimes we don’t want to hear it and will rail against it; often we don’t see it and more oft than not we negate it.  It’s there though.

Ask yourself – how does it feel to think that you are totally alone?  You aren’t, but often we feel that we are the only one out there juggling, feeling, doing, being whatever it is we are.  So we shrink a little and wither (like grass that doesn’t get water). As we may perceive “we aren’t doing it right”.

How does it feel to shrink back to the places you know, but that don’t always serve you so well?  How does it feel to keep yourself isolated, playing small and just trudging along? How does it feel to not pay attention to the whispers?  They are there all the time whether you pay attention or not.  They are in the casual conversation on the street, they are in the wind rustling through newly leafed branches, they are in the waves as they cascade into the shore, they are in the random email you receive that is lovely, someone complimenting you.  The whispers are there all the time.

Should you find yourself contracting and restricting I encourage you to reach out, stretch hard if you need to and step out of your comfort zone.  Listen to the whispers, they are delicious.   

Be the gorgeous shiny piece of fresh grass and go find the people or angels that can whisper to you when you need it.  Find those that will support you in your growth, your learning, and your hardships or even kick your butt if needed.  Open yourself, share and be vulnerable.

If you want to stretch even further create a community of people around you that can whisper to you, encourage, support and mentor you, and that you can whisper to.

Like the blade of grass, we are all individuals up top, but we are all interconnected underneath and that is what makes us strong, grow and flourish.

The Toxic Troll and 3 Billy Goats Gruff

Do you remember the story of the 3 Billy goats who were all called Gruff?  Quick synopsis, there were 3 Billy goats and they were going up the hillside to graze to make themselves fat.  To get to the hillside they had to go over a bridge under which lived a huge ugly mean troll with eyes as big as saucers and a nose as long as a poker. 

When the first (and smallest) goat went over the bridge the troll hopped out and said he was going to eat him up.  (Which didn’t happen as the goat deflected due to his size and said there two more coming that were larger, plumper etc).  Same thing happened to the middle one and when the largest one came across the bridge the troll roared in his hoarse raspy voice how he was going to eat him.  The largest goats response wasn’t the same, mayhem broke out and the troll was killed. 

What has this story got to do with real life you are wondering?  Good question, stay with me.

What toxic trolls do you have in your world right now?  Think about it, they could be acquaintances, ex partners, bosses you name it.  They aren’t necessarily huge, ugly and with eyes as big as saucers; but they are the people that the minute you don’t do something that they think is correct, or when you mess up or doing fabulously, your feeling tired, fragile and vulnerable – they will be there.  Not with soup, a shoulder or a helping hand or to celebrate your success with you, but subtle sarcasm, inappropriate remarks on your Facebook, veiled scathing comments, put downs behind your back, gossiping as if they “know” what is happening in your life, but not helping. 

When you look at them they give you a smile or more like a knowing smirk.  They don’t have your wellbeing at heart, they relish in your discomfort and for them it is about winning, controlling and manipulating along with shaming you and a myriad of other unhealthy traits which they mask behind a sense of “All knowing, superior and that they have their poop in a group”.

When this troll shows up in your life do you find yourself trying to explain, defend, justify or share your thought process with them? 

DON’T!!!!

They can’t hear you.  They have their own story that they play out in their head when they look at you.  Stop giving them time and energy.  Yes, they may have hurt you verbally, physically, emotionally or spiritually – but the more energy you give them the more the troll feeds and gets bigger, fatter and meaner. 

You need to realise that anyone who shows up in your life with that level of judgement, toxicity, negativity or whatever they want to project onto you is hurting.  Somewhere along the line they were taught that treating people this way was okay and never chose to learn differently.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says: “When you judge another, you don’t define them, you define yourself.” So remember that - this isn't personal, it most certainly isn't comfie, but it's not your shit.

Is it your responsibility to make it okay for them?  Hell no!  (Unless they are a small child). Do you need to keep them in your life – Fuck No!  But do you need to reclaim your own power and energy back – Hell Yes!

Practise forgiveness.  Now I can see your shoulders going up when I say that, but hear me out.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying “Wow that scathing attacking email or that horrific encounter is totally fine.”  I’m saying; pull back your energy and your own power for your sake and well being.  If you don’t you are leaking your vital energy out like a punctured hose.

Forgiveness works for YOU.  Write a list pertaining to that one person or situation and address everything that is burbling around in you and as you read that list see the event or person as real and now and your part in it as well.  Then use the Ho'oponopono - I Love You, I'm Sorry, Forgive Me, Thank You. 

Now I know that might sound flaky but what do you have to lose and think of all you have to gain. More energy, release and that delicious feeling of expansiveness.  On top of doing that set some clear boundaries and if needs must - give yourself a time out - you don't need to jump to the trolls tune.

But seriously it is time to punt the toxic trolls to the curb and claim that energy leak.