The Toxic Troll and 3 Billy Goats Gruff

Do you remember the story of the 3 Billy goats who were all called Gruff?  Quick synopsis, there were 3 Billy goats and they were going up the hillside to graze to make themselves fat.  To get to the hillside they had to go over a bridge under which lived a huge ugly mean troll with eyes as big as saucers and a nose as long as a poker. 

When the first (and smallest) goat went over the bridge the troll hopped out and said he was going to eat him up.  (Which didn’t happen as the goat deflected due to his size and said there two more coming that were larger, plumper etc).  Same thing happened to the middle one and when the largest one came across the bridge the troll roared in his hoarse raspy voice how he was going to eat him.  The largest goats response wasn’t the same, mayhem broke out and the troll was killed. 

What has this story got to do with real life you are wondering?  Good question, stay with me.

What toxic trolls do you have in your world right now?  Think about it, they could be acquaintances, ex partners, bosses you name it.  They aren’t necessarily huge, ugly and with eyes as big as saucers; but they are the people that the minute you don’t do something that they think is correct, or when you mess up or doing fabulously, your feeling tired, fragile and vulnerable – they will be there.  Not with soup, a shoulder or a helping hand or to celebrate your success with you, but subtle sarcasm, inappropriate remarks on your Facebook, veiled scathing comments, put downs behind your back, gossiping as if they “know” what is happening in your life, but not helping. 

When you look at them they give you a smile or more like a knowing smirk.  They don’t have your wellbeing at heart, they relish in your discomfort and for them it is about winning, controlling and manipulating along with shaming you and a myriad of other unhealthy traits which they mask behind a sense of “All knowing, superior and that they have their poop in a group”.

When this troll shows up in your life do you find yourself trying to explain, defend, justify or share your thought process with them? 

DON’T!!!!

They can’t hear you.  They have their own story that they play out in their head when they look at you.  Stop giving them time and energy.  Yes, they may have hurt you verbally, physically, emotionally or spiritually – but the more energy you give them the more the troll feeds and gets bigger, fatter and meaner. 

You need to realise that anyone who shows up in your life with that level of judgement, toxicity, negativity or whatever they want to project onto you is hurting.  Somewhere along the line they were taught that treating people this way was okay and never chose to learn differently.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says: “When you judge another, you don’t define them, you define yourself.” So remember that - this isn't personal, it most certainly isn't comfie, but it's not your shit.

Is it your responsibility to make it okay for them?  Hell no!  (Unless they are a small child). Do you need to keep them in your life – Fuck No!  But do you need to reclaim your own power and energy back – Hell Yes!

Practise forgiveness.  Now I can see your shoulders going up when I say that, but hear me out.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying “Wow that scathing attacking email or that horrific encounter is totally fine.”  I’m saying; pull back your energy and your own power for your sake and well being.  If you don’t you are leaking your vital energy out like a punctured hose.

Forgiveness works for YOU.  Write a list pertaining to that one person or situation and address everything that is burbling around in you and as you read that list see the event or person as real and now and your part in it as well.  Then use the Ho'oponopono - I Love You, I'm Sorry, Forgive Me, Thank You. 

Now I know that might sound flaky but what do you have to lose and think of all you have to gain. More energy, release and that delicious feeling of expansiveness.  On top of doing that set some clear boundaries and if needs must - give yourself a time out - you don't need to jump to the trolls tune.

But seriously it is time to punt the toxic trolls to the curb and claim that energy leak.